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Why the Mass Effect 3 ending made no sense

This article contains spoilers. You’ve been warned.

As an admirer of the Mass Effect series, I was thrilled to get my hands on Mass Effect 3. So began a four-day galactic rollercoaster ride that alternated between fighting monsters and telling aliens that the other aliens secretly have a crush on them, they’re just too shy to admit it. When the amazing ride was finally over, I was shell-shocked.

Geth are proud of their shiny server nodes

"Psst, Geth. Quarians told me they like your shiny server nodes. Maybe you two should go to dinner or fight the Reapers together, or something?"

Okay, so most of the ending made sense

Nobody had a clue what the Crucible would do until the last few minutes of the game. Would it kill the Reapers? Would it kill everybody? Would it even work? We had no idea. BioWare could pretty much make it do anything they liked, and it would ‘make sense’. In my play through I used the Crucible to merge synthetic and organic life together. That way, synthetic life would never again rise up against their creators because…..we’ve all got circuits on our faces now? It kinda makes sense. It’s a bit out there, but it fits.

I don’t have a problem with the ending, until after I’ve made my final decision.

What the hell are you doing, Joker?

After making my final decision, a cut scene shows Joker piloting the Normandy through a Relay/FTL jump, trying to stay ahead of the Crucible energy wave which is destroying all the Relays, and threatening to kick him out of his current jump, which it turns out is not cool. Now this cut scene is pretty rad. It’s got Joker flailing his arms all over some holographic controls, and the destruction of galactic civilisation right up the Normandy’s ass.

The Normandy having a bad day

Did I not mention that Shepard destroyed Galactic Civilisation? We'll get to that.

Why was the Normandy even in a jump? After they dropped my team off shouldn’t they have been, I don’t know….helping us fight the Reapers in Earth orbit? Seems that the crew decided to abandon us at some point, and get the hell out of there. Thanks, Joker.

That’s the first thing that made no sense, here comes the second. The Normandy lands on a lush garden world, and I saw Jeff, EDI and Liara exit the Normandy for a look around. Cool right? But wait….Liara was with me on Earth, right in front of the Citadel’s elevator beam. The only two people who survived the mad dash to the beam were Shepard and Anderson. Liara must have died. In the very least she, like the rest of my team, were busy fighting the bad guys on Earth.

So what did the Normandy do, fly down to the surface and scoop up my team before hightailing it out of there? What the fuck you guys? We are so not friends any more.

Goodbye Galactic Civilisation

Activating the Crucible destroys all the Mass Relays in our galaxy (presumably in a way that doesn’t destroy the solar system, like in The Arrival DLC). A necessary step in saving lives, but unfortunately we kinda needed those Relays. Without the Relays, a journey to another world could take years or even decades, assuming you still have access to enough Element Zero to build an interstellar engine. With a journey time like that you can forget about Galactic Civilisation. It’s done. You’re on your own. Oh, and your fleets were all at Earth (not that you need them any more, I guess).

While this isn’t too terrible for most worlds, I wonder how the Krogans on Tuchanka managed after finding out that not only won’t they be able to go colonise a new world, but they’ve also lost their leader, Wrex. And take a moment to think about the fleets of aliens marooned on Earth (or elsewhere) that can’t eat native food. They’ll all starve to death, unless they brought lots of space-seeds and space-cattle with them.

One last thing…

I had crossed my fingers to see two things in this game. Firstly, a level that involved running around inside a fully conscious Reaper. Secondly, Keepers with guns. I didn’t get either of those, and I guess I’m okay with that. But at the end of the game when you travel up the Citadel elevator beam, you end up with a pistol in a corridor with two Keepers. Somebody had to have decided that we shouldn’t be able to shoot them.

How many people played the game and didn’t try to shoot them? Come on BioWare, let’s kill some Keepers!

Keepers like to dress snappy

The Keepers wear space waistcoats? What?

Should BioWare fix the ending? Yes, the plot holes are so obvious I’m surprised nobody spotted them, and the destruction of Galactic Civilisation writes off any chances of another Mass Effect game set after this trilogy. Will they fix the ending? Only time will tell.

Peace out.

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